Are you giving too much to your clients?

How much you should give to your clients?

We often hear the advice: "add more value, add value, add value, and the business will come".

According to organisational psychologist Adam Grant, the data reveals a more nuanced truth.

I just finished reading Adam Grant's book, Give and Take. I want to deep dive here with you on the context of sales—what I read, my insights, and how we can become better salespeople.

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Adam Grant, Organisational Psychologist has been studying salespeople for years. While he is not a sales guru, I love how he based his findings on data.

Grant wrote that there are three primary styles salespeople bring to their relationships:

Takers, who are always asking "what can you do for me"; Matchers, who strive for an even balance of quid pro quo, expecting something back from every favour; and Givers, who operate with the mindset of "what can I do for you".

Who do you think is the best sales performer?

You think it’s the Matcher?

No it’s the Giver.

But hold on, there is more to that.

What's fascinating is that Givers, while embodying the spirit of adding value, are "over-represented on both extremes" of performance.

They make up both the least productive and the most productive salespeople.

This isn't a paradox, but rather a distinction between two very different types of givers.

According to Adam Grant, there are essentially two types of givers within sales,

1.Failing Givers (or Self-Sacrificing Givers):

These givers only care about their clients and customers and are not concerned at all about their own success. Their mindset is entirely focused on "how can I make sure that I am serving your interests," to the point where their own interests are "not even on the table".

This is a "recipe for disaster," leading them to fail "pretty miserably".

This failure occurs because they lose sight of their own objectives and may give away too much, such as deep discounts that cost their organisation money. They might even "get fired before these relationships kind of materialise".

This sounds familiar.

I made this mistake in my earlier sales career. I was so eager to make clients happy at my company's expense. Looking back now, I can see that wasn't sustainable or helpful for anyone in the long run.

2.Successful Givers (or Otherish Givers):

These givers understand that they "can care about other people and also have their own goals and ambitions".

Their aim is to achieve both simultaneously, creating deals that will "help you but also help me". While the term "win-win" is clichéd, it accurately describes their approach. They are thoughtful about how they help, protecting themselves against the costs of giving, ensuring they don't jeopardise their own success or their organisation's interests.

Unlike Matchers, successful givers do not expect immediate reciprocity from every person they help; instead, they operate with the assumption that their generosity will, on balance, be paid forward and be net positive for their business in the long run.

These givers are the most productive salespeople.

They build goodwill by focusing on what is truly best for their customer, which is critical for long-term benefit. They are able to sustain their giving because they find ways to help that don't cost them a "whole lot".

Why the "Successful Giver" is More Successful:

The "successful giver" is more successful because they balance serving their clients' interests with protecting their own and their organisation's best interests.

They recognise that while "a short-term sacrifice often has a long-term benefit," this giving must be strategic and not come at an unsustainable cost.

By seeking mutually beneficial (win-win) outcomes and avoiding actions that hurt their own profitability, they build trust and strong relationships over time without undermining their own ability to perform. While givers may appear to be failing in the short term (e.g., first or second quarter results), Grant’s research data indicates that they "really pull out ahead of the takers and matchers" in later quarters.

Their ability to manage these multiple "stakeholders" – the company, themselves as individuals, and the customer – contributes to their long-term success. And based on my own experience, while win-win is cliche’ there is truth to this.

Traits of Successful Givers

1.Long-Term Vision with a strategic goal: They recognise that "a short-term sacrifice often has a long-term benefit". The "goodwill you build when you focus on what's really best for your customer is critical" for sustained success.

But also laying down to your client your expectations in the relationship. Interestingly, in Grant’s research data while their results might look less impressive in the first or second quarter, givers "really pull out ahead of the takers and matchers" in later quarters, such as the third and fourth.

2. Strategic Giving: Successful givers don't "just give away the farm". They find ways to help that "don't cost them a whole lot", ensuring their generosity is sustainable and doesn't jeopardise their own or their company's profitability.

💡This is where creativity comes in—finding ways to provide value to our clients that require minimal investment from us while delivering significant impact for them. This is when asking the right questions and truly wanting to help makes a difference.

3. Balanced Stakeholder Management: They skill fully manage the interests of multiple stakeholders: the company, themselves as individuals, and the customer. This means they ensure deals are profitable for their organisation and contribute to their own success metrics, not just the client's immediate satisfaction.

Can we learn to become Successful Givers?

Adam Grant answers, absolutely!

Successful Givers can be learned and developed. While there might be some innate personality components, the behaviours that define a successful giver are not fixed and can be cultivated.

Here's why:

1. Learnability of Proactivity and Nonconformity: Adam Grant explicitly states that the ability to be a "nonconformist" and "proactive"—questioning defaults and taking initiative to find better ways—"can be learned pretty quickly and easily".

This is crucial for a successful Giver who, unlike a failing Giver, doesn't simply accept the status quo of "giving away" but strategically balances client interests with their own and the organisation's goals.

2. Ambiverts as a Model of Adaptability: Grant highlights "ambiverts" (people in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum) as the most successful salespeople because they are "much more adaptable".

They find the right balance between talking and listening, adjusting their approach to what's most effective for the sales process. This adaptability directly mirrors the strategic, balanced approach of a successful giver who can cater to a client's needs while also protecting their own interests. Importantly, Grant states that "most of us are ambiverts" and are "kind of wired to do the kind of nonconformity and adaptability that's necessary for dynamic selling".

This suggests that the capacity for this flexible giving style is inherent in most individuals.

3. Motivation and Knowledge as Drivers: The ability to be proactive, which encompasses the strategic thinking of a successful giver, is driven by "motivation" and "knowledge and skill". This implies that by gaining more information about creative and effective strategies (knowledge) and being driven to implement them (motivation), one can improve their ability to be a successful giver.

4. Practice and Learning from Others: The importance of "practicing selling outside of your core domain" is emphasised. By selling unfamiliar products, individuals are forced to discard their usual sales processes and "test much more creative approaches".

Plus, learning from colleagues and seeing their diverse strategies can "give you a bigger repertoire of ideas". This continuous learning and adaptation are fundamental to becoming a successful Giver who doesn't stick to a rigid, potentially self-sacrificing, approach.

5. Avoiding the "First Idea" Trap: Grant also advises that the best, most creative approach is often not the first idea. A successful giver, by taking a step back and considering "a couple other ways to initiate the conversation", demonstrates the kind of thoughtful, adaptable thinking that can be cultivated rather than being solely instinctual.

Though some individuals naturally gravitate toward certain personality traits, the strategic thinking, adaptability, and balanced approach that characterize a successful giver are skills anyone can develop through deliberate practice, knowledge acquisition, and consistent effort.

This skill development is exactly what we focus on in our Elite Sales program: Win High-Value Enterprise Deals. If you want to be a successful Giver, send me an email to book a 1:1 session with me.

Out of the 3 traits of Successful Givers, which do you think you already do well, and which do you want to add to your skills?

• Long-term vision with a strategic goal

• Strategic giving

• Stakeholder management

Hit reply because I’d love to hear from you. Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next week.